Revision

So I've been thinking, many of my expectations about what I would be doing at the orphanage were inaccurate, and I'm not doing as much "work" as I expected.

What I have been doing, however, is loving kids. And loving kids is so much more than doing things for them. In fact, sometimes it means not doing things for them. Before I went to Haiti, I was thinking I would show the Haitians how much I love them by doing stuff, by "working". But after a few boring days, some days filled with supervising the library, and generally just being with the kids, I'm discovering lots of other ways to love them, not just through what I generally think of as "work". Loving by teaching. Loving by learning their language and culture. Loving by admitting my faults. Loving just through living in community with them.

So while I still believe work is a powerful way to show love, there are many other ways that love is "made visible" and many of those have been more prevalent in my work at the orphanage than what we might typically consider "work".  For all of us, we have some many more chances to show love than just by the "work" that we do.  So, with that, I'm just going to amputate the first two words from my blog title. I think that will make it a little more accurate.

On the topic of love, a few weeks ago, I taught a Bible study with the kids on 1 Corinthians 13. If you've ever gone to a Christian wedding, chances are good you've heard this passage before, particularly v. 4-7. It talks about what love is, and what it is not. Interestingly enough, it doesn't say, "love is hard-working." It is, however, lots of other things.

Pictures. 'Cause I have decent internet

I'm going to take advantage of a fast internet connection while I'm in the US to post some pictures.

First, here's a picture of the boys' house. Its right across the street from the other building that has the school and the girls dorms. My room is in the back left corner of the boys' house.

And this is the "living room" in the boys' house. We watch TV, hang out, and have devotions in this room.

Me sitting in my room reading. (Credits for this picture go to Renick. He likes taking pictures with my camera. Mostly of himself, but sometimes he takes pictures of other things. Like me.)

Here's a picture of all the kids minus three who were taking exams that day (some of them aren't cooperating really well) with me and Mark and Marsha (the other two white folks). We took this picture on the roof of the girls' house.

This is the kitchen in the boys' house. All the cooking is done in the other building, so this kitchen is mostly for storing and washing dishes. And blue thing on the right is our water filter.

I think that's good for now.

A time for grieving

Some of you know part of this story already, but I though everyone might like to know

A few weeks ago, my maternal grandmother passed away. She was sick and we knew it was coming, but it has still been very difficult for me being so far away. Then, this weekend, my paternal grandmother passed away as well. She had also been fighting cancer. All three of her children were with her this weekend, and I know they were glad they were there.

As I'm sure you can understand, this has been a very difficult few weeks for me, especially the past 24 hours. I will be going back to the US on the 23rd for the memorial service for my mom's mother, and will probably stay in the US until after my dad's mother's service, although we don't know for sure when that will be.

I ask now for your prayers for myself and my family, that we would be given strength and comfort in this time of sorrow and grief. I ask your prayers specifically for me, as it has been extremely difficult for me as I have struggled to deal with their deaths far away from my family, and for the last two weeks, without anyone I can really talk to about it.

I think I have shed tears in quantities to rival a Caribbean thunderstorm in the past four weeks.

Up and Down (or the other way around)

Yesterday was sort of an up and down day. Mark and Marsha left for a couple weeks of vacation yesterday, leaving me here as the only American, which isn't really the end of the world. The hard part is that all the things that we were sharing responsibility for, now I have to do. Which, again, isn't really that much. The biggest part of that is supervising the library with the computers and the internet. Whenever someone is on the internet, one of the three of us needs to be in the library supervising. And to make sure all of the kids get time online, we set up a schedule where each kid gets one hour a week online. Which means the library has to be supervised for six hours a day, six days a week. Which is kinda a lot of time for me to be in the library.

In the last hour yesterday, I was getting tired and bored. I was ready to get out of the library. Its a handful to try to maintain some order in the library with teenagers coming and going for six hours. I decided to write in my journal a bit. As I wrote, I got just got more frustrated. Thoughts that had come up earlier in my time here began to creep back. "What am I doing here?" "There's no point in me being here." "I'm not doing any good, I'm just taking up space and consuming resources." (Yes, not eating food or drinking water, consuming resources. Thanks Swarthmore.) My writing began to morph from journal entry into prayer, asking God for direction and a renewed sense of purpose here. (Its something that I've struggled with in the past month or so, and keeps rearing its ugly head.) So I closed the library half an hour later, then, after a quick supper of Heart to Heart cereal, I went to check my email.

Before I go into all the details, I need to describe one of the boys for you. He's not really the easiest one to deal with. Since I've gotten here, he got into a fight with one of the other boys and hurt the other kid's eye. He's come close to getting in fights on other occasions, and generally doesn't understand his own strength. I wouldn't hesitate to say he's got some aggression issues. Since I've been here, he hasn't really been friendly with me, more quick to poke fun than show anything close to compassion. He's kinda a tough kid.

So I was quite surprised to find an email from him sitting in my inbox last night. It didn't say much, and it was in Creole, so I'm still not sure what it all says. But, for starters, HE reached out to me. It expressed admiration for me, and he said "I'm happy to write you and have you as a friend." A much softer side to this kid, and a wonderful place to begin a relationship from.

And maybe the coolest thing of all, I think he wrote this email about five minutes after I wrote my journal entry/prayer. Pretty quick response to a prayer, if you ask me.

Short Stories

In contrast to some of my recent posts, I'm going to keep this one shorter. I've got two short stories to share with you.

1-
Early this afternoon, I was about to walk across the street to the boy's house. There was a huge crowd right outside our door. Thinking it probably wasn't the best idea to walk into a large (loud) crowd of Haitians as a white American, I went up to the roof to see two long lines that merged into a crowd behind a small yellow truck. Inside (I could see in because it didn't have a roof) were a few guys passing out some stuff. I could see they were passing out collapsible water bottles, but I couldn't see what the other things were. I found out later they were mosquito nets, complete with instructions for their use and care. After consulting with an orphanage employee, I did go across the street, kinda circumnavigating most of the crowd. Everyone was mostly orderly and peaceful, but there's always that little reminder of what kind of country you're in: they had a guard standing by the back of the truck, complete with bullet-proof vest.

2-
Some of you may have heard about this in the US. Wyclef Jean, the singer, announced his candidacy for President a few weeks ago. He had some rallies, and seemed to be very popular. I saw many motorcycle taxi drivers wearing shirts supporting him. Recently, the electoral commission decided he wouldn't be allowed to run because of residency laws. (If you want the whole story, you can probably find it from a US news source.) I expected protests in the wake of their decision, but I haven't heard of any, which is a good sign. I know there are some folks who are really glad to know that he's not going to be able to run; I'm not quite sure if he would have been a good President or not, but I am looking forward to the elections (though not the riots and protests that I've heard could happen) as it might mean a new direction for Haiti and maybe some new hope. Hope that something will change.

There you go. Short and Sweet.

And what a day it was!

Yesterday (8/17) was such an eventful day that I just have to dedicate an entire post to it.

The morning was fairly uneventful. I spent most of the morning supervising the library. Things got a little heated at one point, but I thought nothing of it at the time (turns out I was wrong, but I'll get to that later). Then, at 12:30, we had our first Bible study of the summer. The whole school schedule got messed up by the earthquake, so this is the first week of the summer for the kids. A few of them still have exams, so it was a voluntary Bible study. The nannies wanted to make Bible study mandatory for all the kids, which I wasn't so excited about, but they didn't want mandatory Bible study to start before everyone had finished exams, so that gave us two weeks to do some voluntary Bible studies. And it worked! We had ten kids there (of 34 total). I taught on humility from Luke 14:7-14. I'd say it was overall pretty successful, although there is room for improvement. The kids were interested and listened attentively while I talked. They weren't exactly jumping out of their seats to answer my questions, but that's OK. Talking with Mark afterward, we figured there were probably a few reasons for this; primarily, most of my questions probably sounded like calls to public confession, which, though we may think of that as a common part of Bible study in the US, doesn't seem to be part of the church culture here in Haiti, and certainly not at the orphanage. But they did, first of all, come, and they seemed pretty engaged. All in all, it was an encouraging first Bible study.

The second thing we had planned for the day was painting crews. American short-term teams have been coming in during our summer in the US, and many of them have been painting classrooms in the orphanage, some of which probably haven't been painted since it was built. But we've got the hallways left to paint, and now that school is starting in the US, there are fewer short-term mission teams coming our way. But part of what HFC wants to do, is to get the kids involved in service, so a good place to start is helping out in their own building. They do have regular chores around the place, but summer can be a little boring without a whole lot to do. So we asked for volunteers to help paint. And 14 kids volunteered. And they loved it! There were a few sour grapes, but mostly, they had a good time, and we rewarded them with cokes at the end of it. It was really good to see them getting involved and learning something.

Then, the most dramatic event of the day. Sometime in the late afternoon, a big storm blew in. I don't think it was a hurricane, but there was a lot of rain and a lot of wind. I was sitting in my room, taking a little break and listening to my iPod when it started to get dark. I took out my headphones and the wind was howling and the rain was beating in the windows. Everyone was on their feet looking out at what the storm was doing. The rain flooded the streets, turning them into rivers. No joke, I saw a concrete block being pushed downhill by the water. That's how much water was in the street. The wind blew a few roofs off of some surrounding houses. And the tarps and tents, which many people have been living in since the earthquake, didn't fare too well. Some survived, but some of the tarp houses were blown apart, just like in "The Three Little Pigs." We had a few tarps covering an outdoor courtyard that has served as the kindergarten area since the earthquake (the kindergarten parents are too afraid of another earthquake to let their kids have class inside the 3-story concrete building). The wind ripped them up and tore them down. Most of them are now pretty useless.

There was one moment of this storm that really struck me. I was looking out of the window of the boys' house across the street, and I saw a woman with a big pile of charcoal. She had found a tarp and was struggling to cover her pile of charcoal with it. In Haiti, the wealthier folks cook with gas stoves. The poorer cook with charcoal. And selling charcoal is one of the lowest and most humiliating jobs in the country. You sit by the side of the road, covered in charcoal dust all day long. These bags of charcoal were this woman's livelihood, and if they got wet, they'd probably be useless, at least for a while until they dried (does anyone know? if charcoal gets wet, can it dry out and be useful again?). But the wind was not helping, blowing her tarp all over the place. And you could see the anguish on her face, the worry that all she had would be destroyed. It was hard to watch, and at the same time I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

And that's not all! The argument that I heard earlier in the day in the library, turns out it was actually a bigger deal than I thought. One of the boys called one of the girls a bad name that I'd rather not repeat. I'll just say that if you turned on the radio, this word would be bleeped out. I didn't have any idea that he had used this word earlier, because he said it in Creole. But the girl went and told one of the other girls who then told one of the Haitian nannies who then called Dr. Bernard, who basically runs the orphanage. He used to live right up the street, and he and his wife were the house parents of the orphanage; he's been a part of these kids lives for about 14 years now. Anyway, he punished the boy for what he said. My problem is, I think the story probably got exaggerated before it got to him. I don't always trust this particular girl, and she is often very disrespectful to me and Mark and Marsha. Its just a little frustrating. I was here, but I have no idea what actually happened. I don't think he deserved the punishment he got, but maybe he did. It doesn't help that I don't particularly trust all of the individuals that the story passed through to get to Dr. Bernard either, and some of the other kids seem to think the punishment was too harsh as well. Its challenging to say the least.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I wanted to share the whole day with you. Its funny: some days are packed full, and some days are downright mundane. You never know.

I just want to add one prayer request:
Life here can be quite overwhelming sometimes. Dealing with the kids, seeing poverty on such a massive scale, thinking and praying about my life and where God is moving me, and all the while trying to keep focused on God and where I am. Its challenging, and sometimes it brings me to the point of tears. Emotions here can go from laughing and smiling to anger or tears in a moment, and sometimes I don't know why. Please pray for strength and strength through God.

Pictures! (Finally!)

The school and the girls half of the orphanage, taken from the roof of the boys house.















Looking out from the roof of the boys house in the opposite direction. Lots of small houses packed in pretty tight.

I'll try to send more soon!